You are here: Home / Developers & Publishers, Games, News & Updates / THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT IS COMING TO A PC NEAR YOU!

THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT IS COMING TO A PC NEAR YOU!

That is, unless you move away before the release date. Hubris-tempting production company Gathering of Developers (GOD) and game developer Terminal Reality announced a few weeks ago that they will use the Nocturne engine to power two Blair Witch Project-based games. Since Nocturne featured gorgeous graphics, insane system requirements and little else in the way of inspiration, this could be good news. But how will it play? Looking into my crystal ball, I see well-rendered and painstakingly texture-mapped stones in small piles, 32-bit color sticks in strange bundles hanging from trees and poor voice acting. Real-time dynamic lighting will disorient the player at every turn, and the games will probably use the already confusing and disorienting Nocturne camera system.

FLASH! EIDOS TAKES OVER ION STORM!
Computer game developer/breast-augmenter extraordinaire, Eidos Interactive, the oft referred to “House that Lara Built”, has stood disapproving in the doorway long enough. Time to pull infrequent game designer John Romero’s pants down and give him a financial spanking. No more independence for you, our beloved industry rock stars, it seems. Time to actually make a game or two, maybe pay your debts and turn a profit while you are at it. Not only does this embarrassing turn of events put perspective on the equally devastating Dallas Observer article of some months ago, it is not a wholly unexpected move on Eidos’ part, given the way the wind has been blowing. And to think it all seemed to begin when Ion Storm printed an ill-considered print advertisement last year informing gamers that: “John Romero will make you his Bitch” –or something to that effect. Who is making whom their bitch now I wonder? I considered titling this story: “Ion Storm picks up the soap,” but taste prevailed. Here’s to the genuine and honest hope that Daikatanna is the best game ever made, otherwise the degradation may never stop.

Headline: PRIZE CENTRAL WANTS TO GIVE YOU PRIZES!
While it rips off intellectual properties. Internet Gaming Website Prize Central will be releasing three 80’s classic video game-inspired, Java-based titles in the coming weeks. Players who can post high scores at these three will earn tokens, which can be exchanged for prizes at their website. One game, called Prize Invaders, involves marching, relentless prizes descending from the sky. Another challenges players to stack prizes in geometric patterns. The third involves a character named Prize Man who has to elude enemies on several engaging map-based boards. Uh-huh. Seems it is legal to make a free mockery of a classic game (Prize Man?!?), but not to emulate the actual game itself. Still, these games are totally free, and what gamer wouldn’t enjoy playing a free game with the chance to win prizes? Hey, at least it beats shoving quarters into the real Pac Man simply for the fleeting glory of being able to put in one’s initials.

JUST IN! $100,000 beats winning tokens and prizes right?!
Who wouldn’t want to win $100,000 from a hot sauce manufacturer? I can’t think of anyone. It seems that Pac Man champion and likely very lonely guy Billy Mitchell (who is also president of this hot sauce manufacturer) doesn’t think so either. To win you must beat all 256 levels of Pac Man and then conquer the dreaded “split screen” level (which is a regular Pac Man screen on one side and a bizzaro collection of icons and fruit on the other), which Mitchell claims is impossible. The winner must document their achievement using Twin Galaxies magazine’s rules, which means you have to have their editor, Walter Day, on hand as witness (don’t worry, he travels well, but lock up your wife and daughters). Ricky’s Hot Sauce is also giving away money to people who can beat record high scores at a ton of other games. Mitchell claims he is doing this to renew interest in older games, but he is really doing it to sell hot sauce and to appease his alien overlord Gorf (all hail Gorf!).

And now…
The weekly Top Five List! Rankings and sales related data courtesy of PCData.

1. Roller Coaster Tycoon — Hasbro

Once again Microprose proves you don’t need violence to sell games, but vomit is still an essential component.

2. Age of Empires II: Age of Kings — Microsoft

All “king” puns aside, it is heartening to see that this many people are actually learning who Frederick Barbarossa was; it is disheartening meeting all these people at my castle gates and finding they brought plenty of onagers and trebuchets.

3. — Ankama Games

It is gun season, so why aren’t all these guys out in the woods wearing fluorescent orange? Maybe they keep picking it up while resupplying at Wal-Mart.

4. Delta Force 2 — Novalogic

No Chuck Norris, but plenty of crappy graphics round out this rehash of last year’s game.

5. Cabela’s Big Game Hunter 3 — Activision

Proof those people who bought Cabela’s Big Game Hunter 2 had no idea what crap looks like (odd for people known for tramping in the woods looking for spoor). Listen to me. I don’t mind if you like hunting games. Come on, eyes front! Deer Hunter 3 is actually pretty good as a sim of the “sport”. Cabela’s Big Game Hunter is utter crap. Got it? C-R-A-P.

JUST IN! $100,000 beats winning tokens and prizes right?!
Who wouldn’t want to win $100,000 from a hot sauce manufacturer? I can’t think of anyone. It seems that Pac Man champion and likely very lonely guy Billy Mitchell (who is also president of this hot sauce manufacturer) doesn’t think so either. To win you must beat all 256 levels of Pac Man and then conquer the dreaded “split screen” level (which is a regular Pac Man screen on one side and a bizzaro collection of icons and fruit on the other), which Mitchell claims is impossible. The winner must document their achievement using Twin Galaxies magazine’s rules, which means you have to have their editor, Walter Day, on hand as witness (don’t worry, he travels well, but lock up your wife and daughters). Ricky’s Hot Sauce is also giving away money to people who can beat record high scores at a ton of other games. Mitchell claims he is doing this to renew interest in older games, but he is really doing it to sell hot sauce and to appease his alien overlord Gorf (all hail Gorf!).

And now…
The weekly Top Five List! Rankings and sales related data courtesy of PCData.

1. Roller Coaster Tycoon — Hasbro

Once again Microprose proves you don’t need violence to sell games, but vomit is still an essential component.

2. Age of Empires II: Age of Kings — Microsoft

All “king” puns aside, it is heartening to see that this many people are actually learning who Frederick Barbarossa was; it is disheartening meeting all these people at my castle gates and finding they brought plenty of onagers and trebuchets.

3. Deer Hunter III — GT Interactive

It is gun season, so why aren’t all these guys out in the woods wearing fluorescent orange? Maybe they keep picking it up while resupplying at Wal-Mart.

4. Delta Force 2 — Novalogic

No Chuck Norris, but plenty of crappy graphics round out this rehash of last year’s game.

5. Cabela’s Big Game Hunter 3 — Activision

Proof those people who bought Cabela’s Big Game Hunter 2 had no idea what crap looks like (odd for people known for tramping in the woods looking for spoor). Listen to me. I don’t mind if you like hunting games. Come on, eyes front! Deer Hunter 3 is actually pretty good as a sim of the “sport”. Cabela’s Big Game Hunter is utter crap. Got it? C-R-A-P.